This terrible juxtaposition of rich vs poor, developed vs underdeveloped, educated vs uneducated in Indian cities has pitched strong, independent working women against chauvinistic, ignorant men who are threatened by such women. These women have financial independence and a higher status in society that these impoverished, uneducated men find emasculating. Now add to this the confused sexuality of our media forms---Bollywood item numbers where women are bosom heaving, pelvis gyrating sex bombs and then TV serials where women are saree clad saintly, obedient, domesticated house cats. This makes for a very dangerous socio-cultural setting with regards to sexuality. Bollywood immediately denies any responsibility for portraying women as sexual objects. They claim art and entertainment cannot be held responsible for propagating sexual stereotypes. Normally, I would agree with them and to a certain extent I do. But these guys are not defending sex scenes done in an aesthetic manner or nudity that was necessary within the storyline. No. They are defending 5 minute song and dance routines called "item numbers" in which the lyrics are debasing to women and the song has no purpose in the storyline except to attract lechers to the movie theater. Women Like Kareena Kapoor or Katrina Kaif who can afford their own security detail, make obscene movements with their body and gyrate and heave their bosom to lyrics that encourage men to not just leer but act on their sexual impulses ("aankhon se kyon sekhe, haathon se kar manmani; item banake rakhle" are examples of such titilating verses). For commercial gain, the largest movie industry in the world chooses to portray women over and over in a misogynistic light when they need to and as a whore when it serves their purpose. But none of this would lead to high rape stats without the corrupt law enforcement/ judicial system of ours or without police officers who very bluntly tell women to dress modestly if they don't want to be sexually harrased. What about the little girls in school uniforms who get molested on local trains and public transport and leered at, at an age when they don't even know what sexual attention is?
Also, this mentality that statutory rape is not that big a crime if the sex was consensual is a myth perpetrated by men who want to molest and have sex with young pubescent girls and justify their actions. It's the classic Lolita complex also known as Hebephilia. Here's what's worse: a lot of people, including women, buy into this myth of the teen temptress---even in seemingly progressive parts of the world and within the most educated of circles. I have experienced it as a 13-15 year old who was convinced that repeated molestation and sexual coercion by an adult male was actually a "romance". The only person I ever confessed to about the nature of the relationship and expressed my doubts to told me I deserved it because I was "throwing myself at the guy". To blame a child for an adult's lack of control, is possibly the worst thing you can ever do to that kid's psyche. In reality, all I was doing is being an affectionate, attention hungry child who thought this is what romantic love felt like. Now at the age of 33, I realize how common this is in India and how seldom people actually address or even talk about this serious problem that can alter a person's approach to romantic relationships and sexuality for the rest of their lives. Even mothers feel uncomfortable dealing with information that their child brings to them about such an encounter. I'm not sure what it is---shame at having failed to protect their kid or just shame associated with sexual acts in general---but mothers need to be empowered to deal with and confront anyone who compromises or violates their child's innocence and sexual health.
Protect your kids not just from the obvious demons, but from the friends in disguise. I always tell moms to be very wary of any man who befriends their kids or gives them any special attention. A majority of sexual abuse cases are perpetrated by family members, family friends or parents of the child's friend. Nobody is more important than your child's innocence and mental health. Watch out for symptoms like bed wetting, anxiety, loss of appetite or sleep, zoning out, secretive behavior, sudden appearance of habits like nail biting, hair pulling, lip biting, skin picking etc. Talk to your kids and make sure they feel comfortable talking to you about everything.
People ask me why rape cases have suddenly gone up in India and their naivety astonishes me. Rape cases have probably been more prevalent in the past. But it is only now that the victim feels strong enough to come forward and demand justice. And when I say that, I speak only of the modern, educated young women who were raped. The rape statistics in rural areas are probably much higher and worse but we just don't hear about those cases because the victims are silent and oppressed or the law enforcement in those areas blame the victim for the rape.
