What we can do to change our society in the aftermath of the Delhi rape

I have done a lot of soul searching these past few days. As a non-resident Indian, I feel this certain sense of guilt that comes with not being able to do anything to improve things back home. The Delhi rape-victim was named Nirbhaya, Amanat and Damini by people whose long-borne frustrations finally found vent through this one heinous case. The nation has come together in demanding harsher punishment for the 6 rapists. But I take look at the rape statistics in India and it is clear that hanging, stoning or otherwise brutally punishing just these 6 men is not going to solve the bigger problem. One would think that a newer generation, social progress, increasing literacy rates would be associated with lower rates of gender related crimes. Not so in India. Rape statistics have gone up which means our economic or technological progress is not matched by progress in our mentalities and attitudes towards women. As with everything else, I like to come up with solutions that can be applied in the present---solutions that may not immediately reflect a change but can over time weed out deep-rooted and even subconscious biases that manifest into societal discord and crimes. Here are a few ideas I came up with that can be easily applied by us if we really want to change things that will prevent further such occurrences and bring about real change with this revolution.

Children spend a great deal of time in schools. Parents assume that their kids are learning everything they need to in schools. In India, most of us come out of school with strong fundamentals in arithmetic and science. But school does not teach us about how to deal with the world outside. Sex education is not enough because it teaches us the physiology and biology of our bodies but does not engage our mentalities or social attitudes. In the US, children are given assignments which force them to review historical events such as women's suffrage, human rights and the struggles of minorities. In India, history and other subjects do not place as much emphasis on community interactions or social dealings. While India's freedom struggle is highlighted, there is little to no information about the changing status of women in Indian society. Hence, I wonder if our schools can do more with regards to improving gender relations with awareness, counseling and discussions. Frequent sessions with parents and children about the importance gender equality in society might be beneficial. An educational program incorporated by all schools and designed by a team of child psychologists and social studies experts can prevent children from developing strong biases that are reinforced at home or within society. Most often, interaction and an open environment allows kids to express their questions and doubts regarding gender relations, sexuality and other such confounding subjects that are key towards building a sound mind and a healthy personality. These young minds are the future of our society.

Television is one of the most common and accessible forms of media in India and social awareness messages funded by the government that teach people about respecting women and questioning their patriarchal mindsets in the face of changing times could also be effective. When I was little, there was the one TV channel called Doordarshan which played social service messages that spread awareness about issues like literacy, religious harmony, vaccination, HIV and even gender equality. Now Indian television is dominated by exceedingly regressive television shows that demonstrate and even glorify the subjugation of women. Those social service messages are long gone and it seems that we need them the most now. Media reflects the outer fringe of the waves of social progress. Media is expression of society. And our media is dangerously lacking in dissipating modern and progressive ideas and values. Bring those social messages back on TV. Make them more effective, passionate and thought-provoking. We have a wealth of creative talent in our country that can come up with such social campaigns.

Now most important of all, the police force needs to be counseled in dealing with crimes of sexual nature. I watched in dismay spy videos of various high ranking police officials explaining with all conviction how rape is the victim's fault and how women are responsible for provoking such crime. Those few men can be fired or suspended or otherwise reprimanded but that will not change their mentalities. They need counseling---effective counseling that challenges their views logically, rationally and educates them not with facts but with means to deal with sexual crime and violence against women. In order to understand why the victim is not to blame in such cases the police need to be educated regarding the psychology of a rapist and the anatomy of rape. They need to understand that a rapist is not acting upon a sexual urge alone but attempting to enforce his dominance and superiority by subjugation of a woman that he sees as immoral, less than human or superior to him. In Afghanistan, women wearing hijabs and burkhas that cover them from head to toe, are victims of rape suggesting that provocative clothing or lifestyle are not to blame. I sincerely believe that such rigorous counseling and evaluation of our police force is the need of the moment.

Our society is in need of good role models---both male and female. Our Hindi films and television series disappoint me greatly in this respect. They do not offer our children and teens any good ideals to follow and some will argue that this is not their job. But frustratingly, they are willing to do do damage through "item" number dance moves and song lyrics that objectify women. We are severely lacking in the media presence of politically active, liberal men who tackle women's issues and speak out about difficult subjects unless something as heinous as the Delhi rape becomes news. In this current environment, there is a need for the media to highlight good role models for men and women to follow.

We cannot just wait for things to change someday---we need to make this change happen. If any of you have kids in school, talk to your school's principal about starting such an educational program. If you are reading this and happen to be in television or media, use your medium as a channel. Do not stay silent if you hear people blame the victim. Question their rationale. Argue with their stand logically. Take initiative, be proactive, channelize your frustrations and now that we have come together over this issue---never forget and don't stop fighting!

The death of the Delhi rape victim and gender roles in India

The Delhi rape victim is dead. A young 23-year old medical student after a long and painful battle is now gone because she boarded a bus late at night in a city which is our political capital and yet houses some of the the most regressive mentalities and attitudes towards women. Six men took turns gang raping her and then shoved an iron rod inside her destroying her internal organs. We cite examples of female Presidents and political leaders as if they are a true reflection of the status of women in our country. But we know they are not, don't we? A majority of women in cities and rural areas alike live through gender discrimination, abusive and oppressive marriages. They are burdened by expectations and stringent patriarchal social ideologies. Whether it is an uneducated, illiterate village woman or an independent, highly educated career woman, their struggles are astonishingly similar when it comes to gender roles in our Indian society. Yet another rape victim committed suicide after police neglected to look into her case and instead tried assassinating her character. People think that the laws need to be changed. But look at the mentalities of our men--not just law enforcers but the general public. Even some men who have educational credentials have terrible ideas about gender roles and how women should be treated. I was in India for 3 months last year and a majority of the men even in a city as progressive as Mumbai look at women like we were all doing something terribly sleazy. Being a woman is treated like some sort of an inherent inferiority. The police leer at you almost as much as the regular roadside brute. They make up excuses for heinous rapes. A shocking video revealed the attitudes of police towards rapes and sexual crimes against women. These men all blamed the women for either instigating the rape or not preventing it. The well-used "She was wearing a mini skirt...and hence the guy raped her" argument is shockingly prevalent. When women protest the treatment of their gender and obvious delinquency on part of law enforcers in dealing with these cases, they too are attacked---and not just with tear gas and water canons, but with harsh words as well. Here is a comment from Abhijit Mukherjee, the son of our nation's President: “These pretty women, dented and painted, who come for protests are not students. I have seen them speak on television, usually women of this age are not students”. He added that students, who go to discotheques, think it is a fashion statement to hold candles and protest. Does it matter Mr. Mukherjee that they be students? Rape is every woman's nightmare---whether she be a student returning home from a late night film or a working mother on a train. Lets forget about crime against women for a second and take a look at the mentalities within general society that may manifest into this sort of behavior. Rapes have been classified as anger rapes, power rapes, sadistic rapes and gang rapes. All of these have one thing in common--the desire for feeling superior through sexual domination and violence. The men likely viewed this woman as superior or immoral in some way and were out to teach her a "lesson", put her in her "place" which begs the question what precisely is the place of women in Indian society? The role of a woman from a character in a television series to any given household is defined by some archaic patriarchal dictum. Women who wear jeans and go to discotheques are somehow immoral and deserve the leering and molestation. Yet it is surprisingly OK for our kids and teens to see vulgar dance moves and hear obscene song lyrics in Hindi film "item" numbers. Our television series and the irony and hypocrisy of its content recently made it to an article in NY Times. Interestingly and ironically, the person behind these exceedingly regressive TV series is a single, independent woman---Ms. Ekta Kapoor. I don't blame her; she needs TV series that can sell. And these days, as more and more girls are educated and command respect in the work environment, apparently what sells on TV is the subjugation of women through a daily soap opera. A lot of Indian men today want a wife who works but they also want her to be a very effective "maid". The mother-in-law led an oppressed life when she was young and now she makes sure it is her daughter-in-law's turn. Even now people say things like "We allow our daughters-in-law to wear jeans and have a career". Allow? So you view the woman as your personal property? Men want women who can look and dress like Katrina Kaif but only when they want her to. At other times she should be the epitome of sacrifice and servitude. The whole thing is a confusing medley of hypocrisy, close-mindedness and sexual repression. You can change legislation and make stricter laws. But how does one change such deep-rooted mentalities? Our media, television, films don't help. We have changed so much about our exterior with glitzy malls and better highways. We are the tech capital of the world and our cities now resemble those in the Western world. The middle class has moved out of small tenements and made its way to posh flats in the suburbs. Our schools are more savvy and our children have access to the internet. But our core mentalities have not evolved at the same pace. The subjugation and oppression of women is viewed as some sort of a tradition. Social progress and the essence of democracy is defined by how a nation treats their women, children and minorities. And by those standards India's progress is embarrassingly challenged. I don't know if the answer lies with our young men or with law enforcement. But I do think that a revolution is needed to change the current scheme of things with respect to the treatment of women in India. I hope that the protestors in India do not stop and more importantly do not forget the Delhi victim. She has galvanized the fight against rape and injustice towards women in our society. This fight might have been started by that one incident but this fight is about more than just that one victim. It is about the millions of women in India who have stayed stoic and strong in the face of abuse for way too long now.